Onsider hands you exactly what to say before you walk in — fact-checked lines, the one name everyone's saying tonight, and how to pronounce it without getting caught. Your brief takes sixty seconds.
"Their shape looked far more settled in the second half — that's what turned it."
Why it works
Sounds like something a real fan would notice. Checked against the record — the fact's on the back of the card.
Safe to sayA big tournament is on. The office is talking about it, the pub is showing it, the group chat won't stop. You don't hate football — you just never learned the language. And every conversation now carries the same quiet dread: the direct question you can't answer, the blank face, the "you don't watch football, do you?"
One name dominates the whole night. Say it wrong and you're instantly made. It's the fastest tell there is.
Googling in the toilets gives you facts, not lines you can say. Asking an AI risks something invented — and a confidently wrong fact is worse than silence.
Stay quiet and you're invisible in your own social life. You're in the room, but you're not in the conversation.
Onsider works like a field manual, not a sports app. You set the mission; it hands you the brief.
Tell it the occasion — the pub, the office, a watch party — who the crowd supports, and your goal: Survive, Converse, or Impress.
Fact-checked lines for the actual match. The one name to drop tonight, with pronunciation. Your cover identity — and the teams you must never praise.
When the talking starts, one tap launches the panic deck — one glanceable line at a time. AirPods in? Whisper Mode reads them into your ear. Nobody needs to know.
No scores. No league tables. No stats grids. No homework. Just the few things that get you through the conversation with your dignity intact.
Every line comes from a hand-curated corpus, checked against reliable football sources, and ships exactly as written — no AI improvisation between the record and your mouth.
104 phonetic pronunciations for the names that decide a night. See it spelled out, hear it played back, say it like you've said it a hundred times.
Dark, glanceable, one line at a time, phone half-hidden under the table. A HIDE blackout and an EXTRACT line to leave the conversation gracefully.
Name who the crowd supports and Onsider derives a safe cover identity from 135 team dossiers and a curated rivalry graph — plus the kill-list of teams you must never praise.
Whisper Mode reads lines straight into your ear, and the whole brief works with zero signal — built for the dead-zone pub. There's an Apple Watch app and Lock Screen widgets too.
Your mission stays on your device, and we run no analytics of our own. The free tier shows light ads (via Google AdMob) and asks your tracking choice on first launch — go ad-free for £1.99 to remove them for good. Live scores in the countdown — coming soon
No subscription. No account. No premium tier hiding the good stuff. Buy once, cancel nothing.
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The tournament starts this week. Sixty seconds of setup and you're in the room instead of outside it — not pretending to be a fan, just knowing enough and saying it well.
Get Onsider — Free on the App StoreNo account · No sign-up · Free to download · £1.99 once to go ad-free
Free to download, with light, unobtrusive ads. A one-time £1.99 purchase removes ads permanently. No subscription — buy once, cancel nothing.
No. The lines come from a hand-curated corpus that's checked against reliable football sources — 85 player legends, 135 teams, 104 pronunciations — and what you see is the curated line itself, not AI output. The app is architected so that the facts are locked: any phrasing variation it ever performs runs on-device and can't touch them. Nobody can promise perfection, but getting caught with a made-up stat is exactly what Onsider is built to prevent.
A general chatbot will confidently hand you something invented — and a confidently wrong fact is how you get caught. Onsider's lines are curated and fact-checked in advance, grounded to the actual match, formatted to be said out loud, and available offline mid-conversation with one tap. A chatbot is a search engine; Onsider is a field manual.
We have no accounts and run no analytics of our own — your mission setup stays on your device. The free tier shows ads through Google AdMob, which asks your tracking permission on first launch (Apple's App Tracking Transparency); you can decline, or pay £1.99 once to remove ads entirely. Full detail is in our privacy policy. Burn after use.
No. Onsider is offline-first — your briefing, the panic deck, the reference library, and the Apple Watch app all work with zero signal.
Yes — set your goal to Converse or Impress and the briefings go deeper: genuinely interesting material to drop into the conversation, not just survival lines.
iPhone (iOS 26.4 or later), with an Apple Watch companion, Lock Screen and Home Screen widgets, and a matchday countdown for your Lock Screen and Dynamic Island. Live scores in the countdown are coming soon.
There's nothing to cancel — the ad-free upgrade is a one-time purchase, restored automatically on any new device. Refunds are handled by Apple within 14 days via reportaproblem.apple.com.